“Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished.” – Lao Tzu

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Once upon a time, I convinced myself that I was superwoman. Seriously… What an idiot. LOL. This is probably why I spent so much of my time doing EVERY SINGLE THING I could think of doing. A little piece of me figured that if I kept busy, I could prove to myself that I could accomplish everything I decided I wanted to accomplish. See, I had vision and goals and I knew God gave me a purpose. He showed me some things. Like things I would do, places I would go, people I could meet and be inspired by. And this is all great right? Sure… But for some reason, I told myself that I had to do it all and I had to do it all quickly. Why? Who the heck knows. But I was doing it. Until I was doing none of it.

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I love to bake. Let me clarify – I LOVE to create cake art. I have no idea where the passion came from because honestly, I can’t even draw a proper stick figure lol. But for some reason, I can slap some fondant on a nicely chilled crumb coated cake and spend hours decorating it without a care in the world. It feels so good to chat with a client and learn about their hopes and expectations for the cake they would have for their special day – whatever that is. And then to follow through with creating it with all the love I could muster up. And I do, I give it all my love. I pray over the cake, talk to it, (I sound crazy, I know. It’s ok lol) and then hug each client as the transaction is complete and they’ve received their cake.

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I could see the potential of where this caking could be headed. I’m not the best cake artist out there but I could go somewhere because God said I could. And I believe Him. And then God also said I have Lupus and then everything suddenly just stopped. Everything. Caking, relationships, friendships, church ministry. All at the same time too. Life said, “Nah.” … So much change. It hasn’t been a full year yet since my diagnosis but I’ve learned a lot. The biggest thing I’ve learned is that Lupus affects everyone differently. Lupus is an auto-immune disease where, for whatever reason, your immune system attacks your tissues and organs. It’s OBVIOUSLY not funny but for some reason, every time I say that, I imagine a bunch of little blind-folded soldier cells swimming through my body poking holes in anything that looks prosperous and happy. And for me, that is my heart, muscles, and joints – making it difficult at times to do the simplest things because EVERYTHING hurts. Like, everything.

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Anyway, I think the most frustrating thing is to KNOW that I could do so much more but not be able to fully grasp it all. Not yet, at least. Which I think for me, is the point. Learning how to be patient and rest. My buddy Lao said that if nature isn’t in a rush and gets everything done, I guess I shouldn’t be in such a rush either. And so now, I’ve learned to pace myself. To slow down. To still focus on those goals and the vision but to no longer give myself a deadline. I’m still caking, but not burning myself out. I plan out time to rest and am purposeful in taking better care of myself. Spending time doing things that makes me happy instead of focusing on everything that “has” to get done. And learning to appreciate the small things in day-to-day life. Because eventually, in perfect timing, it will all get done. Besides, life is way too precious to rush through anyway!

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Ever felt like this? To know you have so much life you want to live but to then have something happen that forces you to make a little detour? How do you adjust?

All my love,

Syd

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