“My love, I love you with every fiber in my being.” – Anonymous sixteen-year-old

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I was gathering the trash in my house like I normally do on a Sunday night, getting it ready for trash day the next morning, when I accidently dropped the garbage basket and a series of wrinkled up post-it notes fell out. Amongst the pile was a note that read, “My love, I love you with every fiber in my being,” signed by my sixteen-year-old cousin. I’m almost certain she would choose to ignore me for the next several years if she knew I found it lol I almost instantly took a picture of it to text it to her, along with that snickering monkey emoji but then I thought against it, didn’t wanna embarrass the kid, you know. Nevertheless, it was the cutest message I’ve seen in a while and sent me down an almost endless stream of googly eyed thoughts… Who was it for? Does she have a boyfriend? What does he look like? OR… perhaps there’s no teenaged boy on the receiving end of her post-it thought. Perhaps she was writing notes to herself like I do (stop judging me lol). You know, like a little reminder to herself that she is loved.

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Well. I’m positive it wasn’t intended for me but I am also positive that it was meant for me. How often do we hear something or see something so simple that gives us a boost of confidence? It was the exact reminder I needed to see at just the right time.

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I haven’t been feeling so hot lately and I sure don’t have anyone knocking down my doors to tell me about their love for me lol. What an adventure it must be to embrace another’s love… I’ve certainly loved before but it hasn’t exactly hit on “everlasting”. After my lupus diagnosis, I’ve started to think about love very differently and the type of future hubby I’d like to connect my life with. Would he be able to handle this? Some days – who am I kidding – most days, I have a hard time getting out of bed. Would that bother him? I reckon it takes a certain type of person to be OK with living life with someone with a chronic illness. So anyway, these are now my silent prayers. Gone are the days of shallow wants and desires, “Oh God, please let him be sweet enough to open my doors.” I mean yes, that is very nice but now my silent prayers are more like, “Oh God, please let him be strong enough physically and mentally to pick me up when I fall. Literally. Because I do fall.” lol

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Ok…so back to this post-it…

I suppose the post-it got me thinking more about another everlasting type of love I cling to daily, a love so pure and graceful that I will forever hold tight. It’s the love I receive from Jesus… My First Love. Before I knew how to love another, or even myself for that matter, there was Him. It was always Him. I read this book once, “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” by Joshua Harris and in this book Harris writes, “God takes us to the foot of a tree on which a naked and bloodied man hangs and says “This is love.” Well then! I’ve never experienced that type of love but I’m thankful that thousands of years ago, Jesus felt it necessary to hang His head for me. Because of that, I’ve been extended grace upon grace upon grace. To live my best life and to know that I am eternally His. What an extreme way to prove your love for someone huh?

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I’m sure thankful for that day my cousin was here doodling and leaving behind sweet messages that I’m sure she never thought anyone would see. And I’m sure thankful God knew I would want to stumble on that balled up post-it note. But this is what He does best… Orchestrating and finding ways to show His love whenever we need it and what an adventure it is to be reminded of just how loved we are.

What adventurous love are you embracing lately? Love of self? Love of a family member. Love of a friend?

All my love,

Syd